Straight Into The Camera

by J.R. Scott for Rasilliant Rhymes (c) 2010

No more profile shots; I’m done.
Attempting to hide flaws that only buffer my completion.
The deletion of imperfection only skews my picture-perfect view.
I’m no long willing to hide blemishes that spot my face.

That’s right−I’m looking straight on.
Ready to face the rejection that I’ve so long shied away from.
No more pretention, for the dimension of my reflection stains eternity.
Never to go away; no more feelings of dismay−I’m fearfully made.

No waiting to lose weighty bulk from my face.
For beauty can be found in more sizes than one
So come and enjoy my couture huskiness,
As I invent poses never experienced on “our” side of the spectrum.

My wide nose will I no longer contour to be smaller−
For in it hosts detectors of opportunity, inspiration, and warning.
And the lines cross my forehead, I won’t apologize for.
For they symbolize wisdom stretching far across the board.

My juicy lips, I’m finished tucking in, for they have tasted humanity.
So, to you on the other side of the camera pan close as you can.
I’m ready to showcase my endowment.
Bring your best infrared for this oversized head.

My beautiful black skin doesn’t show what’s within,
but a glance in these eyes tells more than a story.
You’ll see pain, victory, compassion, and hope−
Confidence, love, fear, and an ability to cope.

Take your place cameraman, I’m ready to pose.
But don’t even think about asking me to turn sideways.
For I am now ready to look the world head on−
Straight into the camera.

Rantings of A 30-Year Old

Wow. So, yeah…I’m 30 now. Many of my overzealous plans and benchmarks I have missed by leaps and bounds; nonetheless, I’m still here and I’m happy. I’m surrounded by love, surrounded by many manifestations of God’s love, and I’m comforted by the promises which have YET to be fulfilled in my life. I don’t take lightly the accomplishments I’ve been fortunate enough to make: maintaining a 16 year relationship with God, completing high school and going on to finish college, having successful jobs all of adult life, and most recently pursuing entrepreneurial endeavors. I am extremely blessed, yet I have been so often derailed by the false images of where I presumed I’m supposed to be, then it occured to me in a grand epiphany. Jason, there are no sad songs to be sang in regards to your life. You are gifted beyond measure, a God-fearing & loving man, a loving brother, son, uncle, and friend to all and above all, you’ve committed your life to God. Every broken covenant, transgression, iniquity, hurtful comment, ended friendship, severed relationship, false rumor, sad season, or failed test has made me into the man I am today. There’s a powerful passage of scripture in Deuteronomy 33:25, and it simply states, “and as thy days, so shall thy strength be.” The manifestation of that very passage in my life is why I am able to walk in the strength that I walk in today. There is experience in wisdom, strength in staying, and aggression in aging. So in spite of the many marks that I’ve missed—and trust there has been many, I am now a stronger, wiser person with five times the spiritual depth that I possessed at 20. Sometimes there is such a powerful presentation to be observed in simply just holding on. There will be times we don’t understand, we lack answers, we are absolutely clueless, don’t feel confident, don’t have a Word for anyone, can’t preach heaven down, can’t pull a split lick of anointing out of the depths of Churchville, and I’ve come to realize that is OKAY! Our humane tendency to fall into seasons of stillness don’t have to be looked upon as a bad thing. We have a savior because we need redemption, so why do we spend so much time trying to impress people who are going to talk about us either way? It is my experience during these times of “stillness”, true character is built. I implore you ALL to keep loving each other. It takes so much more work to be catty, backbiting, and calculating then it does to be loving, caring and gracious. I say to all my friends, family, and associates whether distant or close, I love you ALL! I pray that if I have done anything that may have offended you that you would forgive me, and I ask that you would continually keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I do the same for you. And above all, I ask for all of you to look deep within yourselves to discover that sacred place of peace. Don’t let anyone or any situation cause you to be without peace! So many times I have let this life take away my peace of the mind to the point where I felt like I was being constantly tormented. To be honest, I even felt tormented about turning 30. For weeks and months, I’ve dreaded turning 30 all because I deemed that I’m not where I am supposed to be, but God has came and reassured me that I am where HE wants me to be, and that is more than enough for me! Again, I reassert my love to you all! God Bless….Jason

My beautiful Mess! (A Life Lesson)

So, this past Sunday, I was up and at 'em in the kitchen! For years now, I have been the designated macaroni & cheese maker for my fam, so when I come home it's a certainty that I will be brewing up a fresh pan of hot, cheesy carbs! Last Sunday when I made a pan, I knew I was a little short on cheese. I don't know why, but for some reason my dad always gets the wrong ingredients at the store. One would think after YEARS of buying the same stuff, He'd have it down pact by now! Soooooo not the case...Anyhoo, I made the macaroni and due to a shortage of shredded cheese, the milk rose to the top of the pan and kinda burned the macaroni. It looked soooooo bad! Even though the situation was honestly beyond my control, I was still embarassed; however, as everyone ate it they raved about how good it was. When I tasted it, I was shocked! It was honestly one of my best concoctions ever. The top layer, which I presumed to be burned wasn't actually burned, it was just overcooked to a very dark brown. It made the macaroni taste sooooooo good for some reason...Then a revelatory beam hit me in the face: Jason, what you presume to be not good enough, is more than sufficient for some. Those who know me can attest to the fact that I am very critical of myself and the things I do. I always strive for perfection, and when I fall short, I let it be known to the world. But this little pan of macaroni has really altered my perception. Sometimes, my mess is beautiful to somebody else! I have to keep in mind, that everything is not always about me and if someone else can get satisfaction from and be blessed by something that I write-off as "a mess," I'm going to let them! Perfection is nice when it is attained, but when it's not, is it really worth minimizing someone else's blessing, to appease my warped sense of perfectionism (vanity)????? I'm working on myself folks!

Unrestrained Acceptance (A transparent plea for forgiveness)

If Christ is in us, why is it so hard for us to put on the attributes that characterized His life. In Romans Paul teaches us that it is no longer "us" that live, but God is now living through us. Tonite I feel particularly guilty and somber. I have no doubt that Christ is truly within me and He so free occupies my heart, mind, and time. But right now in this very hour my heart is subdued with a heaviness for all the wrong I've ever done to people, particularly non-believers who I was supposed to be a witness to. I'm at a point in my walk with God where I am truly over all the excuses. I'm ready to be even more like Christ, and if that going to take place, I need more of His love to envelope my heart. I get so tired of this era we are in. In my opinion, people are at an all-time high, in terms of seflishess. Everything is all about "I." "I don't play," "I keep it real," "I will tell you off." Where is meekness in telling someone off? Where is humility in "keeping it real" which is a silent license to blirt off the first thing that comes to mind? I mean seriously, in the New Testament Christ minimized the 10 commandments down to a few instructions and one was to love our neighbor as we love ourself, and that is honestly not taking place! We preach blessings, promises, prosperity, but in the words of the late Donnie Hathaway and living legend Roberta Flack, "Where is the Love?" I have attended church with people who FLAT OUT hate each other! No in-between, no veiled reservations, just flat-out HATRED! WHY GOD? I mean it's ridiculous...Then let us not forget the non-forgiving saints who are holding onto things from God knows when. Then instead of actually forgiving them, they say "I'll forgive them, but I won't forget." Oh my God, if God's mercy and grace were meted out to us in that same ration, we'd all be perished by now! I'm imploring each and everyone reading this to take time to do inventory and think about whether the fruit of the spirit is a TRUE part of your life or is it just another scripture committed to memory in vain, with no modern relevance. Ya'll, we really have to do better in loving each OTHER and carrying the legacy of our Father God (Jesus). Make HIS characteristics YOUR characteristics TODAY!

My Prayer: Lord it is my prayer that you would forgive me for flawed thinking, being manipulative, and operating in any other spirit that is unlike You. Please forgive me for not being the freely accepting, transparent, loving vessel you intended for me. Continue to bring out of me the attributes which you possessed when you walked here on Earth! Lord and I'm asking you to atone me for any word or deed done to any person that fell short of your Lordship. Continue to lead me down paths of righteousness for YOUR name sake! In Jesus' Name..Amen.

True Love: Divine Entitlement? or Earned Priviledge?? (Ode to Mommy and Daddy's Big Day)

First off, I want to take time to bid my parents a Happy 33rd wedding anniversary! It is to this blessed and sacred union that I was birthed and have become the man that I am today! I love you Mom and Dad and I wish you 33 MORE years of blessed matrimony! My parents, who each had one prior unsucessful marriage both say it was their strong friendship, common family structure, and their maturity that has been the binding factor in their marriage. I've witnessed their valleys and low-points, but somehow they ALWAYS bounced back! In analyzing the completeness of my parent's union, I often wonder does fate divy out soulmates by an hidden incentive system or is everyone naturally entitled to find a true love??? Honestly, sometimes I believe that a person's divine call on their lives can be too much for some spouses to handle. But then again, it seems natural that everyone should be given the opportunity to be happy in matrimony. It's just all very taboo to me. On one hand, the divorce rates of this country speak for themself. It proves that either people just have bad choice in spouses or there are alot of selfish people out there. From my experience, I've seen alot of people go into marriage for the wrong reasons or some look to complete themself by finding a mate. I am a witness, that you can be a complete person without being married. Self-sufficiency is something that you have to attain before you enter a marriage. I say that because if you are not able to function on your own prior to marriage, once you tie the knot, you're always going to have your nose up your spouses's tail and that will get old after awhile! For me, divorce is not an option so once I get married, I have full intentions on staying married until "death do us part," like my vow states. But heck, doesn't everybody say that before marriage? I guess that's while I'm still single. Until I feel that I have 150% found the right one, and until I feel I have matured in some integral areas, ya boi will be chillin' single! What are your thoughts???????

Ignorance or Racism???

I figured that I was pressing my luck as the sign on the door clearly said we do not accept $100 bills. So when I was gently turned away by the seemingly pleasant older lady, I didn’t think twice. It was only after I went to my vehicle and got a few bucks from my best bud Roxanne, that I returned back to the gas station and to my chagrin...The same lady who told me that they did not have change for $100, was divvying out change for a hundred to a lady of her same race who entered the store as I was leaving. But here’s the shocker, when I got to the counter, I shot her a look that said “are you serious?” She replied with a little smirk on her face as to say, “Yeah I did it, and what you gonna do about it?” The evil in me came to surface, instantly! My nose and eyes were easily 300 degrees farenheit. Fortunately, the Christian in me which keeps me from telling folks how the hog ate the cabbage, stepped in--sparing the old lady from being read from here to El Paso. I smiled, and even rendered the ‘ole prune pit a good “God bless you,” and proceeded back to my car. This happened on Saturday and today I’m still wondering would this be an example of racism? Or is it just ignorance? I know that MANY times the word racism is used out of context, but this was just one situation I could not distinguish the difference between the two…..

The "Emotional" Man

So it is 2009, and it would seem fitting that we are part of an era where we can “keep it real” if you will… Permit me not to be cliché-ish, because I hate that phrase as much as the next person…It’s so vague, and what exactly is real anyway? A little too subjective for my liking. Anyhoo, back to the discussion at hand. Is an emotional man REALLY accepted or wanted? Now when I say emotional I mean one who goes a little above or beyond the usual emotionalism of a man. I can paint a clearer picture but if necessary I'll come back and do it for you, LOL! I hate generalizing and tend to avoid it at all costs, but I can’t count the amount of women that I’ve heard express the desire to land a man who is in touch with his sensitive side. What exactly is it in an emotional man that a woman longs for? Is it compassion—a deep desire to want to feel sensitivity oozing out from the male’s open heart? Or is it something more along the sexual? Perhaps, maybe a woman wants to feel a different aspect of sexual sensation rather than the incessant thrusts of male testosterone? Or could it even be mental? A vexed desire on behalf of the woman to see her man be stripped from dominance and lay vulnerable at the helm of her prowess. LOLOLOL! Ok I know I’m going to far, but who really knows? I will say this, however; once you entice the Emotional Man to appear from amongst his camouflage of communication breakdowns, evasiveness, and other non-verbal communication barriers, expect him to stay! I think many women rant on and on about wanting an emotional man, simply because they’ve never had that experience….God forbid if they get the experience, don’t like it, and like a bad nightmare, want it to go away! From my experience being a man, I will say this. Once a woman opens up a vulnerable part of a my heart, it is expected that I will always be able to show that woman that part of me. And from experience, if that security is threatened, it can cause a bruh to CUT UP! Remember ladies, once a man's manhood is threatened, in ANY facet, he is NOT going to act right! Now, that’s just my personal experience, so this isn’t 100% factual, I can only document on that which I have experienced myself. I guess where I’m going with this, is all my life I have always heard women defined as the more emotional being while us men are more physical. This is flawed teaching. Now, I will relent to the fact that women are more emotional then we are, but we still do have emotions. It took years of maturity before I could even admit that harbor some emotional scars. Does that make me less of a man? No. Even as a grown man, there are still some childhood experiences that to this day cause me to feel some kind of way! Unlike some men, I’ve learned balance. That which doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger right? So, I’m good. So ladies, before you bust the floodgates of heaven down praying for a man that is in touch with his emotions, proceed with caution. I’ve seen many chicks that have bitten off more than they could chew and ended up being married to a man that was by far more emotional than her! Opinions and feedback always encouraged! Let’s empower each other with knowledge, wisdom, and experience!