No matter what the reason, I will never celebrate divorce. And while I will relent to the fact that some marriages do need to be dissolved, had intuition and insight been allowed to trump sheer lust, a marriage and subsequently, a divorce just may not have occured. Tonight, I was shocked to see that former Governor Schwarzenegger and his wife Maria Shriver were separating. I found it especially unfortunate given that they had just reached their 25-year milestone. It would be very easy and quite typical to criticize marriages ending in dissolution, but I’m the type of person who would rather find a solution than fault. As appealing as marriage and its benefits appear to be, I can say that I am just now reaching the maturity level where I would be able to earnestly commit to the eternal decision of marriage. Years ago my Godmother admonished me to be specific in what traits and/or characteristics I would pursue in a wife. I immediately began to turn my mind to the things which gratified my superficial taste buds. This body type, this level of education, this length of hair, etc frivolously sat in the high-priority seats where crucial elements such as longsuffering, intelligent, and/or spiritual-minded should have been seated. As she shared with me where my thinking and logic was wrong, I began to realize one of the main elements I truly desire is someone intelligent enough to wrap their entire mind, soul, and spirit around the word commitment. It becomes a dubious task to consider the prospect of marriage when statistics state that one of every two marriages will be dissolved…
I then turn my mind to my own parents who are embarking on 35 years of being together. How have they endured so long? They have definitely had their share of hard times, financial and other issues which threatened the very foundation of which their union was built; however, their commitment to each other has been unwavering. I’ve watched peers carelessly jump into marriages—even with warning against doing so. And just as soon as they are married, it seems they are divorced. Where is the fight for love? Are cycles of revolving marriages a result of seeing what someone else has and haphazardly orchestrating a union without carefully putting together all the pieces of the puzzle? Why is it that we feel marriage will change spouses? There are just so many questions which resonate in my mind about how individuals can so easily let their vow before God be severed without even a fight. I guess I will continue to seek the right answers, but I will always and forever hate that “D” word…
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Tuesday, May 10, 2011
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I have pondered this subject for I'm sure the last 10 years. During this decade I watched a number of my friends, relatives and associates get married and then divorce not even three years later. Some don't even make it a full year together. Maybe they weren't specific about what they wanted out of marriage or maybe they weren't ready but went through with it anyway.
ReplyDeleteThere is only one couple in my family, an aunt and uncle, that has been together for more than 10 (over 40 years). They have had some major issues in their life but they have worked through them. I guess a lot of people are not eager to put forth the work it takes to make a marriage work. I mean, I could see if your spouse is a nut, I would leave too. Of course no one just becomes a nut all of a sudden, this trait was just ignored or thought of as "not a big deal" at first.
I, like you, get sad when I see couples that have been together for a long time break up. It makes me wonder, is it even worth it to get married in the first place? *shrug*